Say Somethin Baby

So we've been together almost a month now and things are really shaky
I know its supposed to be the honeymoon time, but you get mad a lot and I'm gon need you to say somethin baby
We promised to keep it 100, and so far, I've been keepin it 100 Gs
But you get mad and shut down, and ima need you to say somethin, please?
Even if the words don't come out right
It's alright
We can work it out right
Cuz I hate layin down at night
Chest tight
Thoughts bitin
Baby, please, shed some light on me
And I know sometimes I bitch and moan
But its because I hate being ignored and alone
And the pain is costing me
Cuz you react so unresponsively
Maybe I'm asking too much
Demanding to much
And not understandin enough
But right now, i only ask that you just
Say
Somethin
Babyyy

The Privilege

I just want to bask in your essence
Because the deep yearning inside is for me to only observe that way that you are and who you are
The strive to love you is constant
The effort is easy
To only watch you breathe and believe in what you see is a gift to me
Hearing you call my name only adds to the reality that youre mine
And despite all the things about myself that I have distaste for and what to change
Who i am is capable to love everything you are
Hard
Deeply
With a passion that, unlike me, passes through time and comprehension
And the privilege to even do that
Is all that I could ask for
I love you <3

The Way That I Love You

kept wonderin y u wudnt talk 2 me and y i cnt get over u.bt as long as we breathe under the same sky u will always have that piece of me that i thought no one cud reach.i wrote so many lines abt u, thoughts of u filling my being until i thought i wud erupt with a replica of you.thought we'd share everything, cuz u became my everything so effortlessly.though there are bright sides to this heartbreaking love prose it doesnt mean that im happy...im mildly over it.its hard, ya know, seeing as you remind me of everything i love, and everything i love reminds me of you, from the beaming sun to the subtle saturday morning rainfall.i dont understand how u crept into my essence like that, but it worked.and i was freefallin for you.whats even worse is that im not afraid to admit this.to anyone.and not a day goes by that i dnt think about you.i tried to deny it;act like i didnt know this feeling;tried to pretend that ppl my age cudnt feel it;but i was/am in love with you..and i walk around fragile, tryna let go..and i do it because i know im healing but will forever be changed..i cnt say i want to be with you again..i wouldnt know how to approach that..and i cn say that i was privileged to even experience a love that consumes me and keeps me on some everlasting high...other than the love of God of course...but then when its taken away, its not easy...i cudnt picture me without you...and here i am, living it...its unpredictable i must tell you...but so is life...and love...and they say all is fair in love and war, but i know love and war is the same...y??? because love is nothing but a battlefield....

That's Just The Way It Is

What Am I Supposed To Tell You?
That life is a cherry topped sundae waiting on you?
Well...yeah, it is
But remember how fast that ice cream will melt and mix
right in front of your eyes
and then what can you do??
Well ima tell you, baby.
You have two choices.
The first one is just sitting there and watching it melt and muddle into a disgusting mess that you wish you hadn't ordered cuz now you have to pay for it.
The second choice is watching it get half way nasty then deciding to slurp up the mess you asked for in the first place.
So watcha gonna do??
Well, I'll tell you the best thing to do:
Never for one day believe that life is a cherry-topped sundae.
Life is a fourteen karat gold ring..
It's beautiful as long as you watch what your doing, and are careful with it.
But don't take your eye off of it..
someone will steal right off of your hand.
and as long as you cherish it, it won't tarnish.
But as soon as you get comfortable and think things are fine, you'll start to see rust.
So watcha gonna be, chile??
An ice cream dreamer or a true ring bearer?

Brutal Relief

Ok, if this seems to go all over the place, try to keep up with me. It's a blog, so I'm putting what i feel out here on my site.
bear with me.

What do you do when your feelings get twisted up and balled up inside of you?
Like that failed history test, balled and twisted in the trashcan?
These twisted up emotions ignite so many questions inside of you, and they pull and twist and drag you so that you dont want to move; you're afraid of the consequence.
So you become complacent.
And the answers to your questions are right there in front of you, staring you in the conscience, and you stare back; but eventually the truth becomes too taunting and your stare becomes a vengeful glare.
You no longer yearn for that four letter word or three letter phrase, but for that long-soul commitment that will encompass your heart and protect your eyes from the unwelcomed ache its seen its insides go through.
But you're afraid to look for that so you stay complacent.
What do you do?
And at these points in your life it's not about love, it's about living.
But what do you have to live for?
You.
Don't be afraid anymore.
The truth may hurt but it's only for the best and the purity of yourself as a collective being.
Don't wait on the love of someone else to validate your self-love, self-worth, and self-beauty.
When someone sees that you validate yourself, they'll be willing to stand and support you and love you as you are.
Remember to grow as you are, even if you change as you are.
It's only temporary, so endure the pain.

wonderment about wishful wanting

I wonder about a lot of things.
Life.
Living.
True Happiness.
Death.
Love.
Pursuing "whateva" it is that makes me happy.
Then I think of you.
I want to be so much more than the down-the-drain-half-slept dream.
I want to be more than just a "maybe" or a "shoulda, woulda, coulda".
I want to be a reality.
Responsible for a heart.
I wonder if I can be these things for you.
i want to grow up so that i can be I and so that you can be with Me.
I want to be the romantic rain on your window payne reflecting the street lights.
I want to make you wonder.
I want to love.
You.

Reality checks

I was talking to a friend the other day and i was explaining some issues that i was going through and how they made me feel. But instead of just comforting and agreeing with me, i was given a slap of reality. Though i didn't like what was said, it was indeed true. So i was forced to look at the whole situation rather than my side of it, like I always advise my friends to do.
However, I find that this same friend was not able to take this reality dose and appreciate as I did. My friend blew up on me, and also thought it was good to risk our friendship. These incidents made me wonder "is it easier to give reality checks and point out others' wrongdoing and faults, than to be able to accept that we are not always right, perfect, and justified?"
Does it bother us that the people that we call our friends are willing to hurt us for the betterment of our lives and mentality? Or do we secretly desire for our friends to silently renege on their promise to do what is best for us because they love us? Do we prefer invisible betrayal or bold and colorful agreement that equate to inner lies?